I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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