Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
