Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
