I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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