After last night, I could never be a politician.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
