He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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