i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
