And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
