She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
