I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
