What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
