So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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