hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
