Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
