you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
