I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
