I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
