I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
