Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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