ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
