I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
