You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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