and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
