Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
