You smell like stripper and shame
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will be naked everywhere
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
