wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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