What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
