Life is so much better after having sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
