he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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