Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
