im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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