if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
