Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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