WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
