Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
