Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
