I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Enjoy the penises
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
