Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
