If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
