ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
