maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
