I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
