Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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