12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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