Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize