my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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