woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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