Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
