If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize