help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
