He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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