Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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