Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
