i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
