did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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