You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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