she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
