My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
