apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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