I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
