Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
