Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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