i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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